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The Art of Wrecking

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Admittedly, I don't know much about art. But, sometimes might pretend I do. "I agree, the depth of color and the way that he frames the piece are unparalleled." Huh? What am I talking about? I also typically feel like I could create most of the pieces I've seen on my own with some practice (I just watched the documentary 'Exit Through the Gift Shop' which further reaffirms this belief. Great documentary though, or is it a mockumentary? Regardless, check it out! Quite genius. Is this me trying to sound like I know anything about documentaries now?). My closest friends can attest to this behavior. I'm pretty sure I've had the audacity to claim that I could be a top badminton player, horse jockey, trashman, chef, and most anything else you could imagine. Do I truly believe that I could? Well sometimes, but thats another conversation. What I do know a thing or five about is crashing on a bicycle.

Let me first just say that New York City is a dangerous place. Everything you've seen in the movies is true. Remember when Kevin McCallister was lost in NYC and ran into the scary bird lady in central park? Its exactly like that and worse (I mean, we have earthquakes now and hurricanes on the way.). There are taxis and pedestrians and pedicabs and buses and potholes, oh my. None of these things makes it conducive to cycle in the city. There are really only two outlets (Riding on my trainer while staring at the wall in my bedroom doesn't count. Not exactly what I call an outlet!). The first is Central Park (Thank you Frederick Law Olmstead and Calvert Vaux. Seriously. What great city planning. An 843 acre park in the middle of the greatest city in the world!). I do truly love the park. Its a great mini escape for all of us but its also riddled with euros in daisy dukes rollerblading in the wrong direction, skateboarders who think the world is their playground and plenty of dog owners who think their dogs don't need leashes. Its typically a recipe for disaster unless you're in the park before 8 am or after 8 pm. Plan on avoiding it on the weekends at all cost. The second, and most preferred outlet is to cross the George Washington bridge and head north on 9W. Not many bad things to say about 9W except to get there is the equivalent of storming the beaches of Normandy. It's a gorgeous route with some nice photo worthy stops along the way (Coach, I dont ever stop though. Its Z3 all day.) and you can ride it for as long as ones heart desires.

With all that said, and aware as I might seem to be of the dangers of riding in the city, I've still kissed the concrete on a number of occasions. And at other times seemingly full on made out with the asphalt! It's happened while attempting to ride in both the park and 9W. My first makeout sesh happened last summer while on my way to the park. (Note: Mother - I always wear my helmet and always obey all traffic laws. I can't account for the idiots that infiltrate this wonderful city.) I'm moving along at a moderate pace following the flow of traffic and only a few blocks from the park. I was approaching an intersection but had a green light so kept moving. Off to my left I could see two gentlemen who took a look to see if any cars were coming and then took off sprinting across the intersection like Usain Bolt. I'm no motor vehicle but I'm still moving along at nice pace. Before I could react they Ray Lewis'd me off my bike - straight up shoulder checking me, which sent me flying over the handlebars and the bike landing on top of me (no damage done to her thankfully). My first concern was not to get run over by oncoming traffic so quickly moved to the side of the street. This is where I began screaming as if someone was trying to kidnap the child I don't have. I apparently scared the two guys (it might have just been the idea of a guy with shaved legs and spandex screaming like a mad man but I'd like to think they were just flat out scared of me) and they darted off. I still got my ride in that night but was feeling it for the next few days. I've had one other accident while heading to the park and it involved my head meeting a taxis door and said taxi bolting once he saw that I was coherent. Didn't even have a chance to go WWE on him.

Those both happened last summer. My misfortune this year has all occurred on my way to or from 9W. The first occurrence being at the end of a three hour torture fest inflicted on me by one Coach Dan Jarecke. I was crossing the George Washington Bridge via the bike lane. The lane itself is quite narrow with one side being oncoming traffic and the other side being a very high point of entry into the Hudson, neither of which would leave one alive (Although my friend James seems to think I'd have made it should I have went over the railing. I'd be most worried about my bike. I'll have a post dedicated to her at some point.). I'm being a good cyclist and staying to the right but am a little out of it as I just finished a monster workout. I look up to see some guy on a hybrid riding down the middle of the path taking in the scenery and then eventually veering straight for me. Considering I had nowhere to go, we went ahead and hugged it out at fairly high speed. Again, not terribly injured and was able to ride home and the bike made it out mostly unscathed par some scratches to my bars.

My latest party with the pavement came this past weekend. I wont bore you anymore but offer one piece of advice. While on a bicycle, in the rain, making a tight turn, do not apply even the slightest amount of brake or take the turn too quickly. Otherwise this happens:
Along with some deep bruising to the hip and thigh area and more scratches to the knee. 

Do any of my experiences make me any more qualified to speak of art with any authority? No. Can I artfully wreck a bicycle? Negative. Does it make for a good post title? Probably not but I'm all about sounding like I know what I'm talking about.

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